(Update: kids are only $150!)
There are "pictures of you" and there are "headshots".
Whether for Facebook, LinkedIn, or off-Broadway, I'll get you a headshot so good, your ex will send you a friend request—which you could then ignore.
Your $250 Headshot session gets you 5 high-resolution images—retouching included—with change of outfit. I can come to your door, if you're not into that whole 'studio' thing.
Want to hear a better idea? Round up some friends or co-workers, and make it a "headshot party". You'll have people to laugh with, and I'll cut you all a sweet discount, too.